Don't get me wrong, I love that they are older and able to do for themselves and the fact that we can just pick up and go without packing a bag. I just wish so much that I could snuggle them one more time. I know you know what I mean. I think part of it is the saying "goodbye" to that phase of life. The diapers, bottles, toothless smiles, little piggies, dirty cheeks, and holes in the knees (from crawling.) The moving on and taking the next step...Change.
Like, what am I going to do when my boss/manager takes a new permanent job in Phoenix? Who will replace him? He isn't replaceable. Will I continue to work there? Should I start looking for a new job? I don't want a new job. I don't want a new boss. I want things to stay the way they are. I like it this way.
And just today we learned that our neighbor has stage 4 cancer. She is a wonderfully sweet neighbor and a sister in Christ. However, when I think of what is to come for them, their family, their home I am completely heartbroken. I hate the fact that things will be different. Who will be Grandma to the grandkids? Who will be the "mom?" Who will take care of her husband? Who will teach her class? Who will tend the climatis she so loving cares for on her porch? All of it will change.
There is something safe in the mundane. Am I right? There's no questions, no worries. No wondering what will happen. It's safe there and I like safe. It's comfortable. There are no tears there. No fears.
And yet, where would we be without change? Just this week I took down our Christmas decorations, did a little rearranging and cleaning. I changed things up...and loved it. We recently bought a new vehicle, moving from a minivan to a car...I love it. More change. I have projects that I've done around our home to change for the better. But, I see that these are the little "unimportant" changes, but change none the less.
I send out these thoughts not really looking for answers. I know there is always going to be change. We need change. I guess I'm still learning how to deal with the "hard" changes.
Do we ever learn?